Is it healthy to discuss the negativities of your PhD with other PhD students?This morning, I decided to boycott the weekly 'lab meeting of boredom and pointlessness'. This last week hasn't been that great, and I didn't want to be held responsible for any emotional outbursts that resulted from excessive constructive criticism. Whilst little work was achieved during this extra time that I gained from not attending, I did experience some mental achievements.
I stood at the refrigerator and rifled through the poorly organised contents in search of some ancient antibody that probably no longer works. A fellow PhD student in my lab approached, and I (wrongly) assumed that the lab meeting must be over. Instead, I discovered that she was also hiding from the weekly torture session, and was exuding a certain essence of hysteria.
What followed was a lengthy conversation about the inadequacies of our projects, poor lab communication, and other potential career options that could replace a PhD.
Previous conversations with the other girl had previously centred around the weather, or similar. What mental anguishes must she be going through to leap into such a conversation with a mere acquaintance? Whilst a preferable explanation may be that I exude 'good listening' vibes, I doubt this is the case. I felt a sense of relief, and a sensation unfamiliar to astronauts in deep space. "I am not alone".
We bonded. Did I feel better after? Yes. More importantly, did she? I can only hope.
Yes, it is healthy. Talk about your PhD to other people. But today I felt so much better after trying to help someone else with their PhD problems than I ever have from bitching about my own.
[...] week, a student from our lab dropped out of her PhD. I’m aware of personal communication problems between her and her supervisor. Thankfully for her, she was also only about a year into her PhD, so [...]
ReplyDeleteI agree to an extent -- I think it is therapeutic (sometimes fun) to complain about your problems with another person. If that person shares your circumstances and has had a similar bad experience, it's great to feel you're not alone in your particular struggle. Ironically though, I think it is very easy to get caught in a positive feedback loop, in which you each intensify the other's negativity. The strongest bond between you becomes your mutual hatred of something, and that hatred may start to seep into your interactions with other people. At that point, sharing your negativity ceases to be a healthy coping strategy.
ReplyDeleteI think it is important to balance the negativity with some positivity. Since you both hate the lab meetings so much, try broaching the subject with your supervisor to improve the situation. Ask the girl to help you out with something while you work or offer to help her. Find at least one productive thing you did at work, one good experience you had, or one amusing thing that happened between you and your colleagues and tell someone about it. If the people around you keep dragging you back to negativity, diversify your support network and go mingle with different people for awhile.
So, I would say that while venting to one another can be healthy in the short-term, (at least) equal doses of positivity in the workplace will likely pay off in the long-term.
Hello GBas!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment. I have to agree with you--it's so easy to get drawn into negative conversations, and continually reinforcing this way of thinking is not healthy. ("Neurons that fire together wire together" after all!) I guess the trick is to know when 'bonding' is becoming 'bitching' and how to move onto more positive ways of communicating.