Ms Unmotivated

Nearly a month in, and Mrs Motivation has left me. Ms Unmotivated has taken over the ranks.

I think PhD life is a different kind of 'work' style... I'd like to say 'than I'm used to', but the truth is, I am used to it. Working at a university is not like in the 'real world'. Or so they say, but I wouldn't know, having only ever worked at a university.

Let's take today as an example:

9:02am: Arrive, turn on computer. Go and get coffee, check email, prepare for day by shuffling papers on desk. Read an abstract.

10am: Lab meeting. Complete waste of time. Food is good however, and provides continual sustenance for the rest of the day, as I am the only one with a passion for dry chocolate biscuits it seems, and keep getting up from desk throughout day to sneak 'just one more'.

11am: Read half a paper and feel frustrated by wasted time and lack of knowledge. Look around and everyone else is working hard.

12pm: Lunch. Talk to a few people. Feel frustrated that I haven't done anything yet.

1pm: Friend across the corridor emails. Needs comforting about life issues. She hasn't had lunch, so join her in kitchen once again. Fail at cheering her up.

2pm: Talk to supervisor. Feel like project has direction! Now I know what I have to do! Inspiration creeps above the surface.

3-4pm: Gradually become more and more depressed about lack of knowledge sinking into brain as I read the same sentence over and over again. Feel indecisive about which topic of many on my list I should focus on.

4:30pm: Write a list of things I need to do tomorrow in hope that this will make me feel better about leaving early. Look around and everyone else is working hard.

4:32pm: Leave early.

I just need to get used to it. A PhD will not give me a daily sense of achievement.