2 month review

2+ months into my PhD and it's time for the first review.

Let me raise some issues of concern:

1. Microscope fear

(This is not ideal considering that my entire project requires microscopy).

Last week I 'broke' the microscope. ie. pulled a slider out into a different position. Well, I think that my crime perhaps wasn't worth the telling off I received, but anyway. (To be fair, the week earlier I also managed to get oil on the microscope's air objective, so I think now I'm viewed as high maintenance). Poor situational awareness, PT would say.

The other day I used a bottle from someone else's lab, and was left 'a note'.

Now I'm too scared to do anything. I feel alone in the lab, like some kind of wild-eyed rabbit caught in the spotlight.

'Um, what exactly do I do now?' I stutter and mumble, unsure of the question I'm asking or what the response means. Somebody help me!

2. Lack of achievement

I spent the entire day yesterday battling my way through my experiment, forgetting which antibodies I'm using, quickly fixing the problem, using the wrong mounting medium, fixing the problem, until BAM, I make that final mistake from which there is no going back. Experiment failed, time wasted, no results.

Hello, welcome to research. Come the end of the work day, I will not feel a sense of achievement. It's only when I look back at the weeks, months, and years as a whole will I MAYBE POSSIBLY realise the progress I have made. But that's far, far in the future.

3. Exhausted

I spend the entire day running up and down the stairs, attempting to fix said problems, asking people for help, feeling like a noob. I feel physically and emotionally drained.

I'm sure I'll have better weeks but this isn't one of them. Best to make a note of it anyway, I wouldn't want to skew the data.

Thank God it's Friday.